Setting limits on screen time

Digital and other electronic media offer wonderful opportunities for children and teenagers to learn about the world and for family members to connect in new ways. However, apps and devices can also pose risks, especially if you don't set limits on how you and your children use them.

Here are some tips based on the expertise of Dr. Catherine Steiner-Adair, from her book The Big Disconnect: Protecting Childhood and Family Relationships in the Digital Age.

Digital media and family life

These are the positive and negative sides of online technology in family life.

Positives:

• It can strengthen connection to family, especially those separated geographically.
• It makes it easier to stay in touch.
• It allows you to share games and experiences.
• It can help us learn about the world together.
• It allows you to watch films and listen to music.

Negatives:

• It can cause children to feel ignored by parents who are constantly on their phones.
• It can result in your family possibly becoming disconnected or spending less quality time together face-to-face.
• It can lead to a cut off from nature.
• It can leave you with no time to ‘do nothing’ and relax.
• It can cause a constant distraction that means you're never fully present when together.

Breaking the cycle: Look at your media use

Children develop unhealthy attachments to digital media for many reasons. Some are responding to pressure from their friends. And a troubling number are following the example of their multitasking parents who make phone calls while driving, answer emails while helping with homework, or send texts at the dinner table. Prolonged distraction from your children can have a profound and lasting effect on them, as they are more likely to feel hurt, neglected, confused, or uncared for.

Research has shown that a child's fascination with gadgets is a response to the cues we give, "and the more attention we give an object, the more they want it," says Dr. Steiner-Adair. So before you set limits on screen time for a child, it's worth looking at your own media use to see whether you need to cut back. Ask yourself if you:

• talk on your phone, text, or check your email while spending time with your child, for example at the dinner table or while helping with homework use media in unsafe ways in front of a child, such as by texting while driving.

• watch television while your child is trying to connect with you.

• engage in online behaviour that could embarrass or even hurt your child, such as sending angry emails to teachers, or sharing private matters on social media.

By avoiding these behaviours—or any others you wouldn't want your child to imitate—you'll be setting a good example for screen use.

Signs a child may be spending too much time on electronic devices

You may be able to determine whether too much time is being spent on electronic devices if your child:

• has lost or is losing interest in activities that have no screens, such as board games or outdoor play.

• avoids social situations, even play dates, that don't involve electronic devices.

• has difficulty turning off the computer and enjoying another activity for any length of time.

• has a meltdown if you say "no" to screen time.

• breaks school rules involving phones or other devices rather than putting them away.

Tips for setting limits on screen time

Be a good role model. Limit your own screen time, and let your child see you carefully following your family contract.

Have a written "responsible use" contract and stick to it. A contract is a written agreement that the whole family can sign, laying out the boundaries on the use of devices. Set clear consequences for breaking the family "responsible use" contract and stick to them.

Put health and safety first. Don't allow children and teens to use phones while crossing the road, driving, having a bath, or in other situations that could endanger them.

Set limits that are appropriate for your child's level of development. Use filters and parental controls with younger children. Communicate with them about how you will be monitoring their screen time. Adjust these limits as your child shows you that they can handle more responsibility.

Establish a "media curfew." Have set times when all family members put away their phones and don't check their email—for example, during meals and an hour before bedtime.

Keep screens out of children's rooms. Encourage children to watch TV or go online in communal family rooms. Consider keeping their phones out of their bedrooms at night.

Make your car a screen-free zone. Have everyone keep their devices turned off in the car, especially when traveling to or from school. A screen-free drive allows children to prepare for their school day in the morning and to talk to you about their day in the afternoon. Children need time to connect with their parents, and the car is often a great place for that to happen.

Choose media that promote good values. Consider not just the age-appropriateness of media, but also how it aligns with your child's maturity, values, and emotional readiness. It’s important to think about the messages apps, films, and games will reinforce, as well as opportunities it offers for conversation and learning.

Setting limits can be a good thing for your family. It might take time and practice when it comes to screen time but it can lead to more connection and involvement with your family, without excessive reliance on devices.