Studies have shown that loneliness and social isolation can affect our mental and physical health. It can increase our risk of heart disease, depression, dementia, and other health conditions.
Strong, healthy ties to other people are potent tools for boosting wellbeing and building a rewarding life. People with solid emotional support tend to have more resilience and experience a less negative impact from stress. Significant physical and mental health benefits come with staying close to people you care about—your partner, children, friends, family, colleagues, neighbours, and mentors like a teacher, coach, or manager who can help you believe in yourself.
Here are tips on creating—and maintaining—close ties:
Lifetime friendships need your attention. Social media may help you stay in touch, but it won’t keep you close. Saying, “Happy Birthday” on Facebook and ‘liking’ a friend’s post— “these are the life support machines of friendship,” says communications expert, Dr. William Rawlins. “They keep it breathing, but mechanically.” To keep your friendships going, work at them offline, too. Throughout a lifetime, people want three things in a friend, Rawlins has found: someone to talk to, someone to depend on, and someone to enjoy.
Be open to getting to know new friends and cultivate your current important relationships. Set up regular times to meet or talk on the phone. Listen to your friend and give them your full attention when you do, and have fun together. Try to remember details others share with you, including important days like birthdays and anniversaries. As trust develops in a relationship, be willing to share some important information about yourself. Create enduring connections over time by planning a monthly phone call, creating a wish list of things to do together, or starting a two-person film club by syncing your Netflix queues. Watch a film each month that you both want to see and then discuss it afterwards.
As a couple, after a fight, put it right. All couples disagree at times, and relationships change over time. But remember that relationships can survive— “even if you think you are from different planets,” says couples therapist Dr. Sue Johnson—as long as there is an emotional connection. “So after a fight, put it right,” she says. Repair the damage and heal the rift between you. Give extra hugs. Reassure your partner of your love. And if you weren’t communicating well, set aside 15 or 20 minutes a day to talk. Missteps are inevitable, and forgiveness is essential in any valued relationship. The most important thing to do is to stay emotionally available and open to maintaining a strong bond.
Connect with colleagues. Friendships at work contribute to a more enjoyable work-life experience. Why not take the initiative in connecting with colleagues? Schedule periodic or regular time together. Pick up the phone to check in with someone. Join in social events, such as going out for coffee or dinner after work. Plan a social event on the weekend with colleagues you’d like to get to know. Respect boundaries and avoid gossip.
Cherish and strengthen your ties with family. These are often our longest-lasting relationships. Focus on what holds you together, and respect differences of opinion and worldview. Shared rituals are the glue that helps keep families together, even a tradition as small as making pancakes on the weekend or attending a concert once a year. Try to establish daily rituals with close family, such as saying, “I love you,” and have weekly, monthly, or annual rituals with those who live far away. Call or send cards on more than birthdays and holidays. Have a set time for quick check-in talks. Short, regular talks do more to keep you close than longer ones at unpredictable intervals, research has found.
Make close ties a priority throughout life. The time and effort you give to meaningful relationships and friendships when you’re young will pay big dividends now and in the future. One study that tracked students for almost 20 years found that the time friends had invested in each other predicted whether they would be close decades after leaving education. Commitment to the relationship and good communication are the two most important factors in keeping close connections.