Helping your team cope with grief and loss in the workplace

As a manager you need to be able to respond compassionately and professionally should a death occur within your organization. The key to dealing with grief in the workplace is balancing human needs and the needs of the company. Showing that you care about your staff can help your employees recover and increase their long-term loyalty to your organization.

Anticipating grief in the workplace

No two people—or organizations—grieve in exactly the same way. A death may affect a small company very differently than a larger one. As a manager, you can anticipate and prepare for the unexpected by taking these steps:

Know your organization’s bereavement policies. Often there are written policies and procedures to follow, and it is wise to have an idea of what they encompass, just as you keep up to date on other health and safety issues.

Remember that grief in the workplace may be very intense. Think about and plan for how you would handle a wide range of responses, from shock and numbness to tears and emotional outbursts.

Become familiar with the grieving process. You and your staff may have a mixture of many feelings, including guilt, sadness, anxiety, numbness, anger, or relief that someone's suffering has ended. These feelings can shift from day to day and will occur whether the death was expected or not. Remember that these feelings are a normal part of grief and that no two individuals grieve in exactly the same way.

Consider your employees' relationships with their coworkers. In general, the closer your employees feel to a coworker, the more intensely they are likely to respond to a tragedy involving that person. The death of a beloved receptionist may affect your office more than that of a chief executive who works in a distant city. Your response to a loss may be very different from that of people who report to you. Bear in mind that you may not be aware of the relationships coworkers have with one another and someone may be grieving in silence. 

Find out what resources are available. Most people who have suffered a loss need more support than their managers alone can provide. Your human resources (HR) department can tell you what kinds of resources your company offers so that you can provide information quickly (or use the resources yourself) when the need arises.

Be prepared to respond immediately. When someone on your staff dies or faces a crisis, it's important to respond quickly. If you do nothing, you will appear insensitive to the concerns of your staff. You will need to find a way to support your employees without neglecting your responsibilities. If you aren't sure how to strike a balance, talk with other managers in your organization about how they have handled loss and grief in the workplace. Or contact HR.

When an employee dies

Feelings of grief are natural when you lose someone you care for and value. Some people feel closer to their coworkers than they do to members of their family. Managing your team after a death requires flexibility and a sensitivity to varied emotions.

Let your staff know about the death immediately. Try to tell your employees face to face, either individually or at a meeting. If you can't do this with everybody, try to tell key people one-on-one and in person, such as your supervisor and the employee's closest coworkers. Some employees may need to spend time together talking about their grief and may not be able to concentrate on work immediately after a notification. Others may need to be alone for a while or may find focusing on their tasks brings comfort.

Get help with written communications. Talk with your manager and an HR representative before sending out a communication to others or posting an expression of sympathy in an online guestbook or on a social media site. You may also want to talk about how to notify customers or vendors if that is an issue. If you do send out a memo or an email message, check to see if it is appropriate before posting a copy of it on the company intranet site.

Give your staff time to attend the funeral if they want to do so. Attending a funeral or memorial service can help with the grieving process. Ask yourself how productive your team would be if they tried to work during such an emotional time or how missing the funeral might affect their feelings about you and the organization. However, even people who are close to the employee may choose to stay at work. If your team is remote, you may want to organize an online gathering for your team to commemorate the person who has died. 

Work with your manager to arrange coverage during the funeral. It's essential to make sure that everyone who wants to attend the funeral has the time off to do so. Talk with your manager about coverage. Perhaps other teams or temporary workers can help out. This gives all employees a chance to attend the service if they wish to and keeps feelings of favoritism from developing.

Contact your employee's former managers. If the person who died used to work in other departments or divisions of your organization, get in touch with the employee's former managers. This will allow them to take any needed steps to allow their own staff members to grieve.

Officially express condolences to the employee's family. Many firms have a policy about sending official condolences to an employee's family, and this should be done as quickly as possible. Make it a practice to send a personal card and flowers (unless the family has requested "no flowers" and has asked for a different kind of tribute). Make sure to do this for every employee so you do not display favoritism. If you were a personal friend of the employee, you may want to make other gestures, but that decision is personal and not work-related.

Help your team express their sympathy as a group. Find out about the family's wishes regarding flowers or memorial contributions so that you can communicate these to staff members who might like to express their sympathy individually or as a group.

Be prepared to answer questions about online expressions of sympathy. Members of your team may ask whether the family has created an online guestbook or other space online where people may express their sympathy. They may ask, for example, whether they may post a message of sympathy as a group or identify themselves as members of a team or organization. Familiarize yourself with the family's wishes and any social media policies at your organization that apply to the situation, so that you can respond promptly to such questions. Keep in mind that some members of your team may feel more comfortable expressing their sympathy online than through a traditional sympathy card or note and that they may appreciate having options for doing so.

Helping your staff grieve

Feelings of grief don't end with an employee's funeral. In the days and weeks after a death, you can help your team adjust to life without their coworker.

Acknowledge the feelings of your staff. Let people know that you share their sense of loss. Acting as though nothing has changed might make it appear that you didn't care about the person who died or may keep your staff members from coming to you with problems related to the death.

Expect symptoms of grief. After a death, your employees may make more mistakes; become irritable; or have trouble sleeping, eating, or concentrating. These symptoms usually pass as the grief becomes less acute. Depending on their personal circumstances, some employees will be more strongly affected, so be prepared to suggest helpful resources to employees who seem to be having more trouble coping.

Remember that coping with grief takes time. A manager's first instinct is often to try to fix a difficult or painful situation, but there are no quick fixes to grief. It may take your team weeks or even months to fully adjust to the loss. Try to be thoughtful on painful anniversaries, such as the day an employee died. These kinds of anniversaries may trigger strong emotions. Just because a certain amount of time has passed doesn't mean that employees have finished grieving.

Understand that the death may affect how your staff performs. Keep your expectations realistic—you may see a lower level of productivity or motivation for a while—but don't assume the worst. A death or serious illness often leads employees to pull together as a team and can give everyone a new awareness of how much they value their job and their coworkers. If safety is a critical issue with your team's work, pay more attention to safety procedures.

Give your employees extra support if the death occurred in the workplace. A death that occurred on the job—or on a lunch hour or at a company function—is extremely traumatic. In addition to having all the usual feelings of grief and sorrow, your employees may face additional emotional burdens. They may have witnessed a heart attack or feel guilty that they couldn't have prevented the death. Work with your HR representative to give them the support they need. Your team may need to work with a counselor in this type of situation.

Help your team remember their coworker. Discuss trying one or more of the following ideas with your manager and HR:

• Have a fundraiser for a cause the employee or their family supported.
• Put together a book of memories to give the family.
• Encourage your staff to share their memories in a company newsletter.
• Post a tribute to the employee on your company intranet or bulletin-board.
• Let staff put flowers or other tokens of affection on the desk of the person who died.

Try to ease the transition for a new team member. Let the new person know that the team has had a recent loss and may need time to adjust to a change. If the new employee is filling the position of the former employee who passed away, ensure that those who are on the team know that while the role is being filled, that individual will never be replaced. Small measures like this can make it easier for your staff to adjust to the presence of a new employee.

When an employee suffers a loss

At some point, you may have to help a staff member who loses someone important—a parent, a spouse or partner, a child, another close relative, or a long-time friend. Here are some ways to help:

Show that you care. Try to respond immediately when an employee tells you that they have lost someone very close to them. If they have come into your office, close the door, stop what you were doing and ask them to sit down. If possible, come out from behind your desk and sit next to them. Actions like these show that you care and are willing to take the time to understand their needs. If you work remotely, take time to schedule a video call with them.

Ask how you can help. After letting your employee know how sorry you are about their loss, ask how you can help. Ask them if they need to go home or log off. If they want to stay, don't force them to leave—many people find work to be a source of comfort and support in a crisis. Instead, find out if there's anything else you can do to help now or in the days ahead.

Listen to the employee. Find out what they want you to say about the death and to whom. Respect their wishes. If you'd like to send an email message out to everyone in a group, let the employee know and make sure they have no objections.

Send condolences. Your team will take their cues from you when responding to a death. Make sure you do something to show your sympathy. Express your condolences in a call or note and send flowers from you and your staff or make a contribution to a particular charity, depending on the family's wishes. To be equitable, do this for every one of your employees who experiences this type of loss. Doing nothing may make you—and your company—appear insensitive.

Try not to make assumptions. In talking to a bereaved employee, avoid phrases such as "I know just how you feel." Do not attempt to identify positive elements in the situation by using phrases like "This was probably for the best" or "You'll get over it in time." There may be many things about the death that you don't know. Instead of assuming that you understand how someone feels, offer a simple expression of sorrow, such as "I'm so sorry for your loss."

Keep the lines of communication open. A staff member who seems to be doing fine in the days just after a death may be too numb to feel the full effect of what happened and may develop problems later. Don't assume everything is okay because the person hasn't asked for time off or come to you with problems.

Watch for trouble signs. Grief can cause stress that affects job performance. Be alert for signs that an employee is having trouble sleeping or eating, which may include making mistakes, having problems concentrating, missing too much work, or neglecting their appearance. Let your staff member know about resources, such as your organization’s assistance program, that might be helpful.

Brainstorm accommodations. Depending on your workplace policy, there may be accommodations you can make for your employee such as compassionate leave, flexible work hours, role change, or work reduction. 

If a problem continues discuss your concerns with your employee. In a firm but gentle way, let your employee know that you have concerns about their performance. Ask how you can help. If they have used up all their paid leave, they may want to consider taking unpaid leave or transferring to a less stressful or part-time job. Talk about some of the options with your supervisor or HR, who may have other ideas on how to handle the situation.

Grief can pose a unique challenge for managers. There are no easy solutions when you lose a member of your team or when an employee loses a loved one. Listening to your staff members and acknowledging their loss will help you respond in the best way for your team and your organization.