Avoiding conflict when moving in with family
People have many reasons for moving back in with family, including emotional or financial support or for help with childcare or adult caring. Whatever the reason you moved back home, you and your family may all feel differently about such a large change.
Establishing the terms of your stay
The best way to avoid conflict within a household is to make sure everyone is clear from the start about your situation. If you have moved back in with your parents or another family member who has offered you space in their home, make it clear whether the situation is temporary or if you expect to stay long-term. Try to be polite and consider your family members’ feelings, wishes, and desires when you have these discussions. Remember, you are sharing their home and there may be adjustments needed on both sides.
It is also wise to take the time to think about your relationships within your family. Even in the best circumstances, you can expect generally mixed feelings from everybody involved when faced with large changes. Your family may be pleased to spend more time with you, but they may be concerned that you won’t be happy with your loss of independence or the change that moving back home may bring to your relationships with others.
Be patient and avoid criticising other family and household members. Make allowances and be considerate about the feelings of other household members. You will inevitably have to make compromises, so it helps to try to have a flexible, positive attitude.
Remember that the key to ensuring good relationships can sometimes lie in balance. Make sure you have some time away from each other to reduce conflicts. Develop your own plans and routines so that you are not reliant on one another, but also try also to do things to do together, such as weekly family dinners or family traditions that can be revived.
Cultivate communication
Good communication can help you keep small issues from becoming larger ones. Swap messages and important information in a family group chat. Post a copy of your weekly or monthly schedule on the fridge or in a shared digital calendar, and include emergency contact numbers you should all know. This will help keep everyone synchronised.
Talk about problems when they come up. Don't wait for a small issue to become a big one. Try holding a regular check-in to make sure everyone has a chance to air any concerns. You could sit down a few weeks after you begin living together to discuss what's working and what needs to be changed.
Setting rules
The amount of time you’ve lived away from home can affect how easy it is to fit back in. Your family members will have their routines and ways of doing things, and they may find it hard to accommodate new arrivals. It may require several weeks for all of you to establish comfortable arrangements.
Agreeing with your family ahead of time about how you'll handle everything—shared living space, money, cooking, etc. —will help avoid problems down the road. This can also help identify deal breakers that cannot be negotiated like smoking or bringing in pets.
Expenses. Money can be the cause of conflicts and tension in any household. It’s best to find out ahead of time if and what you are expected to contribute. Discuss what bills or rent you will be expected to pay. Consider using an online payment system to compensate one another for shared expenses including food if you are having meals together.
TV and Internet. Consider setting up agreements about sharing these and what time the TV and other noise-making devices are turned off at night or turned on in the morning.
Guests. Set ground rules about overnight guests at the start. Will they be allowed? How often, and for how long? If you have a partner, find out in advance if your family are comfortable with them staying over.
Cleaning. You should clean up after yourself and offer to pitch in for the general housework. Be sensitive about leaving personal belongings scattered around the shared living space.
The bathroom. Work out bathroom schedules at the start of your living arrangement if you know everyone's work hours and who needs the bathroom when. Keep your toiletries in a portable kit if there isn’t room for your things in the bathroom.
Parking. If you share a garage, driveway, or communal parking space, who gets to use it? Work out an arrangement before you bring a car to your relative’s home.
Privacy. We all need privacy, especially after a long day at work, and finding it can be a challenge when you live with a large family. Finding ways to accommodate each other's everyday routines and needs will help. Schedule a time to have space to yourself. If you need to make a private call or have a private talk with a friend, you may want to schedule it or communicate this ahead of time.
Finally, remember to look after yourself and your health. Use the time to build your mental and physical resilience, and look toward the future when you will once again have your own home.
